Filed under: Personal reflections, Prayer, Theology | Tags: Knowing God, Love, Objective truth
Objective truth, divorced from experience, is useless.
A few weeks ago, I made the above statement, somewhat off the cuff, yet it has stuck with me. As I have pondered it, I have become increasingly aware of the fact that unless I’m experiencing truth, that truth has no use to me. Let me demonstrate.
I’ve lived my whole live being told that God loves me. He loves me more than I can imagine. In spite of my sin and my ugliness, He still loves me. In fact, He loves me so much that He gave of Himself, sending His son to die in my stead.
All of that is wonderful, and it is absolutely true. In fact, one is hard-pressed to find truer statements. However, these truths (objective truths) are absolutely useless to the one that has not experienced the love of God. They are mere ideas.
Recently, I have found that I know many objective truths that are altogether useless to me. In fact, the above illustration is one from my own life. I long to experience God’s unselfish, undying love for me. I constantly wrestle, because I need to know that God loves me, in spite of me. I need to know that God loves me, even when, no, especially when I am disobedient.
At this point in my life, experience is HUGE. I know a lot. I am a student. I love to study. I relish digging for answers. I enjoy finding solutions to questions that haunt me, and puzzle others. However, much of that is on hold. I want to know the Father’s love.
This quote for A.J. Heschel is appropriate:
The Bible has several words for the act of seeking God (darash, bakkesh, shahar). In some passages these words are used in the sense of inquiring after His will and precepts (Psalms 119:45, 94, 155). Yet, in other passages these words mean more than the act of asking a question, the aim of which is to elicit information. It means addressing oneself directly to God with the aim of getting close to Him; it involves a desire for experience rather than a search for information. Seeking Him includes the fact of keeping His commandments, but it goes beyond it. “Seek ye the Lord and His strength, seek His face continually” (Psalms 105:4). Indeed, to pray does not only mean to seek help; it also means to seek Him. (God in Search of Man, p. 28)
God is calling. He says very clearly that those who seek Him will find Him when they seek Him with all their hearts. He has provided the way for us to come close to Him in the person of His Son, Yeshua. By His mercy, and with His help, I will draw near.
Traditionally, the Jew is taught to feel delight in being able to fulfill the law, albeit imperfectly, rather than to feel anxiety because of his being unable to fulfill it perfectly. “Serve Him with joy; come before His presences with singing” (Psalms 100:2")
Israel feels a certain ease and delight in the fulfillment of the law which to a hired servant is burdensome and perplexing. For “the son who serves his father serves him with joy, saying, Even if I do not entirely succeed [in carrying out His commandments], yet, as a loving father, He will not be angry with me. In contrast, a hired servant is always afraid lest he may commit some fault, and therefore serves God in a condition of anxiety and confusion.” Indeed, when Israel feels uneasy because of their having to stand in judgment before God, the angels say unto them, “Fear ye not the judgment…Know ye not Him? He is your next of kin, He is your brother, and what is more, He is your father.” (God in Search of Man: A Philosophy of Judaism. P. 406 A. J. Heschel)
As I read this quote yesterday, I was struck by the fact that I approach God in the way of a slave. I have yet to realize the depth and breadth of His love for me. So great is that love that He adopted me as His son. He is longing for me more than I can ever long for Him.
Yeshua said much the same thing:
This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing: but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. (John 15:12-15)
In Yeshua, I am no longer counted as a servant. I am a son of the Most High.
As such, God’s love for me supersedes my shortcomings. Where I fall short, His love fills the gap. Thank God for the wonderful gift of His Son, our Messiah! He is the ultimate expression of God’s love . In living a sinless life, He made up for everywhere that we fall short.
God is more concerned that I love Him and try to obey Him than He is with whether or not I obey Him “correctly.” He wants my heart. He knows that as a man, I am totally incapable of doing things completely right, and because of that, He gave of Himself to compensate for where I fall short. He truly is a loving Father.
Filed under: Miscellaneous
If this doesn’t fire you up, something is wrong!
Filed under: Miscellaneous
Please check out this article about the death of George Tiller, the infamous abortionist that was murdered in his church recently. May we repent for our actions.
When we pray, we expect (at least most of the time) to be answered in one way or another. If you’ve been a part of Christianity for any length of time, undoubtedly, you’ve heard it taught that G-d always answers prayer, even if it is not what we like. He may answer with a yes, a no, or a wait.
I’ve almost certainly over-simplified this idea for the sake of brevity, but you get my point. That being said, I would like to share a new perspective on this that has really helped me in the last couple of days.
I have been praying for some time that G-d open my eyes to see Him. I want to see His truth for what it is. I want to encounter Him in a way that will forever change me. One prayer from the siddur that I have prayed continually is the third paragraph of the Yedid Nefesh:
All-worthy one–may Your mercy be aroused and please take pity on your beloved son, because it is so very long that I have yearned intensely to see the splendor of your strength. Only these has my heart desired, so please take pity and do not conceal Yourself.
I have felt ripped off and cheated, because, up until a couple of days ago, this prayer seemed to go unanswered. I have been angered by the fact that I’ve been asking Avinu to change my mind (Eph. 4:17-19). I have realized that many of my thoughts about Hashem are incorrect, and so I’ve asked that He change them.
Because my prayers weren’t being answered in the way that I thought they should be, I have been terribly angry and resentful. I wasn’t getting what I wanted, and so I’ve been throwing a tantrum!
All of this began to change two days ago. I had a conversation with a close friend, and he pointed out the fact that all the while I’ve been asking that my mind be changed, and that my heart be transformed, this is exactly what G-d is doing!
My anger, frustration, confusion, etc. have to be realized before they can be changed. I’ve never considered the fact that my exhibition of these emotions is the hand of G-d in my life. He is answering my prayer by revealing my sin. It is these very things that are standing in the way of encountering Him. He must be allowed to remove these things, replacing them with His love and mercy.
He really does answer prayer, but most certainly not in the way that we think it should happen.
Filed under: Personal reflections
Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant gratification is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people. (Celebration of Discipline, p. 1, by Richard Foster)
I have been told by a close friend and spiritual mentor repeatedly over the last couple of years that I am overly concerned with being right. I think that I’m beginning to understand what he means. I’ll see if I can “flesh it out” so to speak.
I have allowed my zeal for the Torah and related things (traditions found within Judaism) to dictate everything about me. In doing so, I have put lenses on that allow me to see everyone compared to my standard of righteousness, thereby allowing me to judge (and condemn) anyone who doesn’t measure up. I have allowed myself to become an idol, and everyone that doesn’t worship me, or bow to my standards receives my judgement.
What drives this behavior? On the one hand, I think that it is the zeal to follow the ways of G-d, but that only makes up (for me) about 2% of this. On the other hand (the other 98%) it is a way for me to justify my own sin. I know that I’m not measuring up to G-d’s righteous standard, nor am I following the Master, yet by continuing in this paradigm, I allow myself to stay the same, and expect everyone else to change.
This however is not the call of the Master. His call is to “Repent, for the Kindom is at hand.” Repentance is taking His yoke, not forcing others to take mine. His call is to follow Him and be His disciple, not to force others to follow me and become my disciple.
So often, following the Torah and taking up the traditions of our Jewish brothers can become a measuring stick whereby we judge others’ righteousness. It seems to me that simply wearing tzitzit, donning tefillin, and covering one’s head can be the “instant satisfaction” alluded to in the quote above. Certainly these things are not wrong in and of themselves. Two of my examples are commanded by the Torah! Yeshua taught though that “unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Scribes and the Pharisees, you will in no way enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.”
Our Master calls us to go deeper, to allow Him to change our hearts. This most assuredly does not abolish the Torah, but indeed fulfills it. He calls us to examine our hearts, and to allow Him to do the same. It is only when we turn to Him and acknowledge how far short we really fall that we begin to experience fellowship with the Father through our Messiah.
During this season of new beginnings, let us “celebrate the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.” (1COR 5:8 NASB). Let us see that He is our Passover. He is the One whereby we cross from death to life. Let us know that He is right, and strive to walk with Him.
We don’t need more people trying to appear deep and spiritually mature simply because they wear the correct articles of worship. This world needs those who are willing to clothe themselves with humility and take up the radical call of discipleship to the Master.
This will likely be expressed in many ways, and I’m sure that most of them won’t be to my approval. That’s the point. This isnt’ about me. It’s about serving the One who gave His all so that I can fellowship with Him. He humbled Himself to be come like me. Now I must humble myself to become like Him.
Chag Sameach!
There has been something rolling around in my head for quite some time, and up until just recently, I have been unable to identify it. I’ve been longing for something deeper in my walk with the Creator, and have looked and looked for what holds the key. I’ve done a lot of reading, praying and studying trying to find that which has been alluding me. I think that I’ve finally found something that is going to lead me in the right direction. (I’m not sure yet, but let me see if I can flesh it out.)
I believe that G-d calls us to a life of radical balance. I thought that term meant something utterly and completely different than what I’ve come to discover. You see, I thought that radical balance meant, for instance, that I work, work, work to maintain my relationship with G-d, and that He is somehow detached from all of it, just waiting for me to reach a certain level in my spirituality. Once that level was reached, I believed, He would reveal Himself to me, because I had proven myself worthy.
How has this played out in my life? The most noticeable way has been in the way that I live and conduct myself. I have felt rather strongly that G-d has been leading me toward a life of Torah observance much akin to the orthodox lifestyle. (I still believe that to some degree, but that’s not the point of this post.) Due to this fact, I have used my convictions and understandings as a way to judge others. I have pushed many people away, and I’m sure missed out on some really good friendships, all in the name of righteousness.
While living this way, I’ve known all along that there must be more to a relationship with G-d. I’ve searched and searched. I’ve read Jewish sources, Messianic Jewish sources, traditional Christian sources, the Bible, and more. I’ve been praying and seeking for the heart of the Father concerning me, and it seems, on the one hand to have gotten me nowhere fast, but on the other hand to have brought me to a place that I’m ready to listen.
G-d has been calling out to me, relentlessly pursuing after me, and I have been running from Him, all the while deceived into thinking that I’m running to Him. My running has looked very good on the outside. I wear tzitzit and a kippah, and often pray from a siddur. I say Yeshua and Hashem and use Hebrew terminology when speaking about the things of our Father, believing that I’m drawing close.
What is the sudden change? I’m not entirely sure, except I’ve come to realize how much I have pushed our beloved Messiah to the side while trying to get things right in my life. I have buried myself in studies just so that I can understand context of Scripture. (Please don’t get me wrong, all of these things are VITALLY important, but apart from a dynamic relationship with the One who gave His all for us, they merely puff us up, and can push us away from the Father.)
I began to really reach out to the person of Yeshua, longing to experience His presence in my life. This has been ongoing now for months, and I’m starting to feel like a breakthrough is in sight.
As I reached for Yeshua, I really began to see how much He’s been reaching out to me all along. Where i have tried to earn my way in to the presence of the Almighty, He waited for me to see that He’s already provided that way. While I was wrestling, He was beckoning me with open arms of love and acceptance. I realized that the lenses through which I’ve been viewing life are very foggy indeed.
In Judaism, there seems to be very little time to stop and really deal with one’s sin. The approach to life is one that states, “If I sin, I will just try harder next time. I will do another mitzvah to cancel out the sin.” While on the one hand this is good in that it doesn’t allow for unhealthy guilt, on the other hand it is terribly dangerous. It puts the power of personal transformation in the hands of a mere human.
I cannot do this! No longer can I rely on myself to save myself. I am quickly coming to the place where I am ready to be undone at the feet of my Master. He is the Savior. He is the Deliverer. There is nothing in and of myself that is good, and therefore, I must accept His grace.
This doesn’t mean that I am going to be lazy. To the contrary, to accept grace requires that I pursue the Father all the more.
“The grace of God is unearned and unearnable, but if we ever expect to grow in grace, we must pay the price of a consciously chosen course of action which involves both individual and group life.” (Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster)
During this season of Passover, my slavery to sin is becoming ever more evident.
And there is no slavery that can compare to the slavery of ingrained habits of sin. (ibid.)
Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Yeshua Messiah our Lord! (Romans 7:24-25a NASB)
G-d in His grace has provided the way into His presence. It is only through Yeshua. I am determined to know Him, and Him alone. I am determined to face myself, and see who I am apart from Him, and who I am in Him. He is changing me, and will change me. It is only through encountering the Person of our Messiah that transformation of the heart can take place.
Does this mean that obeying the sacred words of the Torah falls to the side? G-d forbid! On the contrary, as I choose to humble myself at the feet of the Master, then His Torah will be written in my heart. His ways will truly become my ways. No longer will doing the mitzvot be a chore, but instead they will truly be a delight.
He has called me to worship in Spirit and in Truth, and I am answering His call!
Filed under: Uncategorized
I know that it has been WAY too long since I posted anything on this blog. I won’t make any excuses for that.
That being said, this is for the faithful few, as well as the occassional blog troller that happens across my musings. You really, really should check out this video. You will not be disappointed. I’m very excited for the work that FFOZ is doing, and think that it will contribute greatly to further maturity in the Messianic movement.
I have been wrestling for some time with this topic. I’ve been told that when we, as believers take it upon ourselves to obey some commandment in the Scriptures that it needs to be done out of a sense of conviction from the L-rd. Now this makes sense to me to a certain degree. If I follow a mitzvah without really being led by Hashem to do so, then it can, and often does produce death spiritually.
The place that I struggle is this: my knowledge of a Jewish approach to the Torah is that we obey the mitzvot because in so doing, we are reflecting the very nature of G-d. If that is the case, then shouldn’t I be following the commandments regardless, as an act of faith(fullness), trusting that Hashem will bring life to me as a result of my faithfullness?
On the other hand, is there anything that I can do in my fallen state that will produce life. Based on my training, I would have to say “no” because I am a sinner. However, I am also a new creation, created in Messiah Yeshua to do good works. That being the case, then if I’m obeying the mitzvot, even if my motives are wrong, then won’t Hashem eventually begin to change my heart?
I really don’t have any answers here. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I want to experience the grace of G-d in all that I do. However, I’m not even sure what grace looks like. There are so many definitions floating around out there, and none of them seem to adequately convey what I’m seeking after.
I suppose that in a sense, this whole conflict boils down to an understanding of what grace is. If the commandments of Hashem are a revelation of his very character and nature (and I believe that they are), then by obeying them, shouldn’t I (or anyone else for that matter) be encountering G-d in His grace? What is it then that prevents me from doing so?
I’m finding that the answer to this question is the condition of my heart. I am discovering that I think that Torah is manageable, and because of that, I cease to see Yeshua in it. The Torah is the schoolmaster that leads us to Yeshua, not only in the sense that it reveals who He is, but it also reveals my need for Him. If I am unwilling to realize that I can’t obey G-d apart from His Spirit working in me, then Torah becomes something that I can do on my own. If it is that, then I’m no longer willing or able to see Messiah in it.
So then, there is still no conclusion to my conflict. I believe that I should be convicted in my heart to obey a particular commandment, yet on the other hand, I believe that to obey is to encounter and reflect the character and nature of G-d. So what is there to do at this point? I really don’t know…
For some time now, I have had somewhat of an internal struggle concerning the definitions and practical outworkings of the words contained in the title of this post, holiness and righteousness. This morning, I was able to flesh out some of my feelings in my journal. After reading over what I had written, I decided that this would be something good to post, as I know that many in Messianic movement (at least in my exposure to it) struggle with the very same issues.
The other thing that I’m really wrestling through right now is the difference between righteousness and holiness. I know that I have been declared righteous because of the finished work of Messiah, but I don’t always live that way. In fact, in my pursuit of holiness, I often fall in to the trap of earning or trying to maintain my righteousness.
Coupled with this struggle is the question of why I like to do things “Jewish.” At this point, I don’t know that I can give an honest answer to that question. I have seen that often my attitude toward others who are Torah pursuant, yet not traditional in their approach is very judgmental and condescending. Yet, what is the difference? I am no more righteous than they, as that is a finished work of Messiah. Not only that, but why is my pursuit of holiness any better than theirs? It’s not! I am not yet at a place where I can honestly say before G-d that all that I do in the ways that I try to keep the Torah are out of a heart of love for him. In fact, in my heart, I’m still trying to earn righteousness. As long as my heart remains in that state, then I have an excuse to continue to judge those that don’t live up to my standards of righteousness.
How is it that I, a man who was raised in the church, who has some formal Bible education, and is hungry for the Word of G-d, am so lost? The answer to this question is that, “There is no one righteous, not even one; There is none who understands, there is none who seeks for G-d.” (Rom. 3:10-11).
What are your thoughts on righteousness and holiness? Are the two related? If so, how? If not, why not?
