One man's thoughts about Life, Torah, and Messiah

When we pray, we expect (at least most of the time) to be answered in one way or another. If you’ve been a part of Christianity for any length of time, undoubtedly, you’ve heard it taught that G-d always answers prayer, even if it is not what we like. He may answer with a yes, a no, or a wait.

I’ve almost certainly over-simplified this idea for the sake of brevity, but you get my point. That being said, I would like to share a new perspective on this that has really helped me in the last couple of days.

I have been praying for some time that G-d open my eyes to see Him. I want to see His truth for what it is. I want to encounter Him in a way that will forever change me. One prayer from the siddur that I have prayed continually is the third paragraph of the Yedid Nefesh:

All-worthy one–may Your mercy be aroused and please take pity on your beloved son, because it is so very long that I have yearned intensely to see the splendor of your strength. Only these has my heart desired, so please take pity and do not conceal Yourself.

I have felt ripped off and cheated, because, up until a couple of days ago, this prayer seemed to go unanswered. I have been angered by the fact that I’ve been asking Avinu to change my mind (Eph. 4:17-19). I have realized that many of my thoughts about Hashem are incorrect, and so I’ve asked that He change them.

Because my prayers weren’t being answered in the way that I thought they should be, I have been terribly angry and resentful. I wasn’t getting what I wanted, and so I’ve been throwing a tantrum!

All of this began to change two days ago. I had a conversation with a close friend, and he pointed out the fact that all the while I’ve been asking that my mind be changed, and that my heart be transformed, this is exactly what G-d is doing!

My anger, frustration, confusion, etc. have to be realized before they can be changed. I’ve never considered the fact that my exhibition of these emotions is the hand of G-d in my life. He is answering my prayer by revealing my sin. It is these very things that are standing in the way of encountering Him. He must be allowed to remove these things, replacing them with His love and mercy. 

He really does answer prayer, but most certainly not in the way that we think it should happen.