Filed under: Personal reflections, Prayer, Theology | Tags: Knowing God, Love, Objective truth
Objective truth, divorced from experience, is useless.
A few weeks ago, I made the above statement, somewhat off the cuff, yet it has stuck with me. As I have pondered it, I have become increasingly aware of the fact that unless I’m experiencing truth, that truth has no use to me. Let me demonstrate.
I’ve lived my whole live being told that God loves me. He loves me more than I can imagine. In spite of my sin and my ugliness, He still loves me. In fact, He loves me so much that He gave of Himself, sending His son to die in my stead.
All of that is wonderful, and it is absolutely true. In fact, one is hard-pressed to find truer statements. However, these truths (objective truths) are absolutely useless to the one that has not experienced the love of God. They are mere ideas.
Recently, I have found that I know many objective truths that are altogether useless to me. In fact, the above illustration is one from my own life. I long to experience God’s unselfish, undying love for me. I constantly wrestle, because I need to know that God loves me, in spite of me. I need to know that God loves me, even when, no, especially when I am disobedient.
At this point in my life, experience is HUGE. I know a lot. I am a student. I love to study. I relish digging for answers. I enjoy finding solutions to questions that haunt me, and puzzle others. However, much of that is on hold. I want to know the Father’s love.
This quote for A.J. Heschel is appropriate:
The Bible has several words for the act of seeking God (darash, bakkesh, shahar). In some passages these words are used in the sense of inquiring after His will and precepts (Psalms 119:45, 94, 155). Yet, in other passages these words mean more than the act of asking a question, the aim of which is to elicit information. It means addressing oneself directly to God with the aim of getting close to Him; it involves a desire for experience rather than a search for information. Seeking Him includes the fact of keeping His commandments, but it goes beyond it. “Seek ye the Lord and His strength, seek His face continually” (Psalms 105:4). Indeed, to pray does not only mean to seek help; it also means to seek Him. (God in Search of Man, p. 28)
God is calling. He says very clearly that those who seek Him will find Him when they seek Him with all their hearts. He has provided the way for us to come close to Him in the person of His Son, Yeshua. By His mercy, and with His help, I will draw near.
When we pray, we expect (at least most of the time) to be answered in one way or another. If you’ve been a part of Christianity for any length of time, undoubtedly, you’ve heard it taught that G-d always answers prayer, even if it is not what we like. He may answer with a yes, a no, or a wait.
I’ve almost certainly over-simplified this idea for the sake of brevity, but you get my point. That being said, I would like to share a new perspective on this that has really helped me in the last couple of days.
I have been praying for some time that G-d open my eyes to see Him. I want to see His truth for what it is. I want to encounter Him in a way that will forever change me. One prayer from the siddur that I have prayed continually is the third paragraph of the Yedid Nefesh:
All-worthy one–may Your mercy be aroused and please take pity on your beloved son, because it is so very long that I have yearned intensely to see the splendor of your strength. Only these has my heart desired, so please take pity and do not conceal Yourself.
I have felt ripped off and cheated, because, up until a couple of days ago, this prayer seemed to go unanswered. I have been angered by the fact that I’ve been asking Avinu to change my mind (Eph. 4:17-19). I have realized that many of my thoughts about Hashem are incorrect, and so I’ve asked that He change them.
Because my prayers weren’t being answered in the way that I thought they should be, I have been terribly angry and resentful. I wasn’t getting what I wanted, and so I’ve been throwing a tantrum!
All of this began to change two days ago. I had a conversation with a close friend, and he pointed out the fact that all the while I’ve been asking that my mind be changed, and that my heart be transformed, this is exactly what G-d is doing!
My anger, frustration, confusion, etc. have to be realized before they can be changed. I’ve never considered the fact that my exhibition of these emotions is the hand of G-d in my life. He is answering my prayer by revealing my sin. It is these very things that are standing in the way of encountering Him. He must be allowed to remove these things, replacing them with His love and mercy.
He really does answer prayer, but most certainly not in the way that we think it should happen.
