Traditionally, the Jew is taught to feel delight in being able to fulfill the law, albeit imperfectly, rather than to feel anxiety because of his being unable to fulfill it perfectly. “Serve Him with joy; come before His presences with singing” (Psalms 100:2")
Israel feels a certain ease and delight in the fulfillment of the law which to a hired servant is burdensome and perplexing. For “the son who serves his father serves him with joy, saying, Even if I do not entirely succeed [in carrying out His commandments], yet, as a loving father, He will not be angry with me. In contrast, a hired servant is always afraid lest he may commit some fault, and therefore serves God in a condition of anxiety and confusion.” Indeed, when Israel feels uneasy because of their having to stand in judgment before God, the angels say unto them, “Fear ye not the judgment…Know ye not Him? He is your next of kin, He is your brother, and what is more, He is your father.” (God in Search of Man: A Philosophy of Judaism. P. 406 A. J. Heschel)
As I read this quote yesterday, I was struck by the fact that I approach God in the way of a slave. I have yet to realize the depth and breadth of His love for me. So great is that love that He adopted me as His son. He is longing for me more than I can ever long for Him.
Yeshua said much the same thing:
This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing: but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. (John 15:12-15)
In Yeshua, I am no longer counted as a servant. I am a son of the Most High.
As such, God’s love for me supersedes my shortcomings. Where I fall short, His love fills the gap. Thank God for the wonderful gift of His Son, our Messiah! He is the ultimate expression of God’s love . In living a sinless life, He made up for everywhere that we fall short.
God is more concerned that I love Him and try to obey Him than He is with whether or not I obey Him “correctly.” He wants my heart. He knows that as a man, I am totally incapable of doing things completely right, and because of that, He gave of Himself to compensate for where I fall short. He truly is a loving Father.
There has been something rolling around in my head for quite some time, and up until just recently, I have been unable to identify it. I’ve been longing for something deeper in my walk with the Creator, and have looked and looked for what holds the key. I’ve done a lot of reading, praying and studying trying to find that which has been alluding me. I think that I’ve finally found something that is going to lead me in the right direction. (I’m not sure yet, but let me see if I can flesh it out.)
I believe that G-d calls us to a life of radical balance. I thought that term meant something utterly and completely different than what I’ve come to discover. You see, I thought that radical balance meant, for instance, that I work, work, work to maintain my relationship with G-d, and that He is somehow detached from all of it, just waiting for me to reach a certain level in my spirituality. Once that level was reached, I believed, He would reveal Himself to me, because I had proven myself worthy.
How has this played out in my life? The most noticeable way has been in the way that I live and conduct myself. I have felt rather strongly that G-d has been leading me toward a life of Torah observance much akin to the orthodox lifestyle. (I still believe that to some degree, but that’s not the point of this post.) Due to this fact, I have used my convictions and understandings as a way to judge others. I have pushed many people away, and I’m sure missed out on some really good friendships, all in the name of righteousness.
While living this way, I’ve known all along that there must be more to a relationship with G-d. I’ve searched and searched. I’ve read Jewish sources, Messianic Jewish sources, traditional Christian sources, the Bible, and more. I’ve been praying and seeking for the heart of the Father concerning me, and it seems, on the one hand to have gotten me nowhere fast, but on the other hand to have brought me to a place that I’m ready to listen.
G-d has been calling out to me, relentlessly pursuing after me, and I have been running from Him, all the while deceived into thinking that I’m running to Him. My running has looked very good on the outside. I wear tzitzit and a kippah, and often pray from a siddur. I say Yeshua and Hashem and use Hebrew terminology when speaking about the things of our Father, believing that I’m drawing close.
What is the sudden change? I’m not entirely sure, except I’ve come to realize how much I have pushed our beloved Messiah to the side while trying to get things right in my life. I have buried myself in studies just so that I can understand context of Scripture. (Please don’t get me wrong, all of these things are VITALLY important, but apart from a dynamic relationship with the One who gave His all for us, they merely puff us up, and can push us away from the Father.)
I began to really reach out to the person of Yeshua, longing to experience His presence in my life. This has been ongoing now for months, and I’m starting to feel like a breakthrough is in sight.
As I reached for Yeshua, I really began to see how much He’s been reaching out to me all along. Where i have tried to earn my way in to the presence of the Almighty, He waited for me to see that He’s already provided that way. While I was wrestling, He was beckoning me with open arms of love and acceptance. I realized that the lenses through which I’ve been viewing life are very foggy indeed.
In Judaism, there seems to be very little time to stop and really deal with one’s sin. The approach to life is one that states, “If I sin, I will just try harder next time. I will do another mitzvah to cancel out the sin.” While on the one hand this is good in that it doesn’t allow for unhealthy guilt, on the other hand it is terribly dangerous. It puts the power of personal transformation in the hands of a mere human.
I cannot do this! No longer can I rely on myself to save myself. I am quickly coming to the place where I am ready to be undone at the feet of my Master. He is the Savior. He is the Deliverer. There is nothing in and of myself that is good, and therefore, I must accept His grace.
This doesn’t mean that I am going to be lazy. To the contrary, to accept grace requires that I pursue the Father all the more.
“The grace of God is unearned and unearnable, but if we ever expect to grow in grace, we must pay the price of a consciously chosen course of action which involves both individual and group life.” (Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster)
During this season of Passover, my slavery to sin is becoming ever more evident.
And there is no slavery that can compare to the slavery of ingrained habits of sin. (ibid.)
Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Yeshua Messiah our Lord! (Romans 7:24-25a NASB)
G-d in His grace has provided the way into His presence. It is only through Yeshua. I am determined to know Him, and Him alone. I am determined to face myself, and see who I am apart from Him, and who I am in Him. He is changing me, and will change me. It is only through encountering the Person of our Messiah that transformation of the heart can take place.
Does this mean that obeying the sacred words of the Torah falls to the side? G-d forbid! On the contrary, as I choose to humble myself at the feet of the Master, then His Torah will be written in my heart. His ways will truly become my ways. No longer will doing the mitzvot be a chore, but instead they will truly be a delight.
He has called me to worship in Spirit and in Truth, and I am answering His call!
I have been wrestling for some time with this topic. I’ve been told that when we, as believers take it upon ourselves to obey some commandment in the Scriptures that it needs to be done out of a sense of conviction from the L-rd. Now this makes sense to me to a certain degree. If I follow a mitzvah without really being led by Hashem to do so, then it can, and often does produce death spiritually.
The place that I struggle is this: my knowledge of a Jewish approach to the Torah is that we obey the mitzvot because in so doing, we are reflecting the very nature of G-d. If that is the case, then shouldn’t I be following the commandments regardless, as an act of faith(fullness), trusting that Hashem will bring life to me as a result of my faithfullness?
On the other hand, is there anything that I can do in my fallen state that will produce life. Based on my training, I would have to say “no” because I am a sinner. However, I am also a new creation, created in Messiah Yeshua to do good works. That being the case, then if I’m obeying the mitzvot, even if my motives are wrong, then won’t Hashem eventually begin to change my heart?
I really don’t have any answers here. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I want to experience the grace of G-d in all that I do. However, I’m not even sure what grace looks like. There are so many definitions floating around out there, and none of them seem to adequately convey what I’m seeking after.
I suppose that in a sense, this whole conflict boils down to an understanding of what grace is. If the commandments of Hashem are a revelation of his very character and nature (and I believe that they are), then by obeying them, shouldn’t I (or anyone else for that matter) be encountering G-d in His grace? What is it then that prevents me from doing so?
I’m finding that the answer to this question is the condition of my heart. I am discovering that I think that Torah is manageable, and because of that, I cease to see Yeshua in it. The Torah is the schoolmaster that leads us to Yeshua, not only in the sense that it reveals who He is, but it also reveals my need for Him. If I am unwilling to realize that I can’t obey G-d apart from His Spirit working in me, then Torah becomes something that I can do on my own. If it is that, then I’m no longer willing or able to see Messiah in it.
So then, there is still no conclusion to my conflict. I believe that I should be convicted in my heart to obey a particular commandment, yet on the other hand, I believe that to obey is to encounter and reflect the character and nature of G-d. So what is there to do at this point? I really don’t know…
I received an email yesterday, and the sender told me that I really need to update my blog. (Thanks Mark!) I agree, especially since it has been MONTHS since I’ve last written. I’m sure that many have stopped checking to see if I have actually done anything…
We’re fast approaching the feast of Passover. In our house, there is great anticipation for this time. The kids all get new clothes, and we try to have as much fun as possible to communicate to the children that following the G-d of the universe is an exciting thing. That being said, I also try to spend a good deal of time in personal reflection, asking the Father to reveal His heart to me and to show me where I’m falling short.
Thank G-d that he answers the prayers of His people! This year, the He has been showing me how, in my desire to do things “the right way,” I have missed Him altogether. I have become so worried about not doing something according to the way that it is written in the Torah, or not following tradition, that I have failed to encounter G-d.
Let me tell you what I mean. A couple of weeks ago, my oldest daughter told me that she wanted me to wake her up so that we can pray together in the morning. (This is an answer to prayer in and of itself, but I don’t have time to write that now.) When I’m praying the prayers [from the siddur] I like to do things as close to traditional halacha as possible. Obviously, my children only know so much, and in my rigidness, I have pushed them away.
As we were preparing to pray together, the Spirit spoke to my heart very clearly: “CHILL OUT! Just learn to enjoy my presence, and teach your daughter to do the same.” So, I did. As we have prayed together, our relationship has really grown together. My daughter displays a much greater willingness to obey when I ask her to do something, and she is much more laid back around me. (I’m sharing this to demonstrate how much G-d is changing in my life. Not to say, “Look at me. Look at what I did…”)
Last night, I was reading in 2 Chronicles 30 about how Hezekiah re-instituted the Temple service, and Passover. They celebrated the Passover in the second month, because no one was ready in the first month due to the wickedness of the people before Hezekiah came to power. One short passage really stuck out to me, “for Hezekiah prayed for them, saying, “May the good LORD pardon everyone who prepares his heart to seek God, the LORD God of his fathers, though not according to the purification rules of the sanctuary. So the LORD heard Hezekiah and healed the people.” (2 Chronicles 30:18b-20) G-d heard the longing of the hearts of His people. They longed to do it right, but they were either ignorant, or were at a place in history where it was impossible to do it correctly according to the Torah. Still, G-d heard the hearts of His people. He gave grace in abundance.
May we (I) remember that G-d sees our hearts during this season. I strongly believe that when we know the commandments of Hashem, we are to try to follow them to the best of our ability. (The fact that G-d is gracious is not a license to sin.) However, following G-d is a journey, not a destination. He is a gentle shepherd, and when we follow Him, there is great blessing and reward. Chag Sameach!
Lately I have been thinking about the topic of forgiveness. I’ve been reading a lot of literature from Voice of the Martyrs, and been challenged by the forgiveness that is demonstrated by believers who have been beaten because of their faith.
This story demonstrates the same level of forgiveness that will probably be far more relevant to the readers of this blog. This is the heart of Torah.
Shalom!
Since it has been months since I have last written, I figured I’d better do something to show all of my loyal readers that I’m still alive and kicking.
Here is a link to an article that I just read, and I’m curious to know others reactions to it. Divorce in the body of Messiah is a tragedy, but we must be fair in our treatment of the subject. How do you interpret Yeshua’s teaching on the topic? What about Paul? Moses?
Let me know what you think!
http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1680709,00.html
If this doesn’t make you cry, or at the very leastdo some serious introspection, it is possible that you need to do some serious self examination. God has a chosen people.
http://www.galileeofthenations.com/forgottenpeoplevideo.shtml
I have spent a great deal of time the last two weeks reflecting on the importance of loving our brothers and sisters in the Body of Messiah. Please allow me to share very candidly from my personal experience, as I believe that I am not alone in my observations.
I have been studying the Torah for around five years or so, and it must be said that they have been some of the most difficult, yet most rewarding years of my life. There has arisen many frictions among friends and family members, yet many new relationships have been forged as well.
As I have progressed in my knowledge of the Torah, as well as in my own personal observance, I have often had to stop and make sure that I have done things for the right reasons.
For example, a couple of years ago, my wife caught me looking at pornography online. Because of this, I decided to begin wearing tzitzit. At the time, this only made sense, especially since the command was given as a reminder so that you do not “follow after your own heart and your own eyes, after which you played the harlot.” (Numbers 15:39 NASB)
On the surface, there seems to be nothing wrong with my motivation. However, in looking back, I really didn’t deal with the issue. My heart is still sinful and wanting to play the harlot all the time. By attaching tzitzit to the corners of my garments without first allowing the work of the Spirit to take hold in my heart, I merely masked the issue.
This is but one example. I could give many others, but for the sake of time and space, I will not. My point is this: I have noticed that in our movement, we are often very quick to resolve issues on the outside long before we give the Father a chance to expose our hearts for what they are and then allow Him to change us.
Where all of this really came to bear in my own life was just a couple of months ago as it really began to become evident to me that I don’t love people in the Body. In fact, for the most part, I don’t even like people in the Body. I got to the place that all of my externals proved that I was better and more righteous than just about anyone that I came into contact with, and because of that, people just weren’t worth my time or effort.
Thank God for His exceeding grace and mercy! He slowly began to reveal to me that if He treated me the way that I deserved, or even the way that I treated others in my heart, I would truly be a far cry more miserable than I already was. It is only when I began to realize that I can’t love God on my own that I really began to love God. Hand in hand with that revelation is the fact that I can’t love people apart from relying on His grace to do so.
According to 1 John 3:14, if we don’t love each other, we are dead. Yeshua said repeatedly that we must love and forgive each other. In fact, the banner of our discipleship hangs on our love for one another. We are known as His followers primarily by our love for one another.
So what does all of this mean? Well, I have to tell you that for me personally, all of knowledge of the Word of God and halacha and everything else has to take a second seat to actually living the Word. I love to study, but as the sages say, “Great is the study that leads to action.” Oh that we would have more action and less talk in our movement. That Yeshua would be seen as our Master because we love one another.
This last Sunday, I had a very interesting experience that taught me a great deal.
I was sharing with a couple of friends about the Abir Warrior Arts, and one of them just didn’t seem all that interested. I was pretty excited about this, and my friend finally just shrugged and said something to the affect of, “So what the guy’s a Hassidic Jew and knows marshal arts. He doesn’t know Jesus.”
I immediately got very defensive. I retorted, “Yes, but without the Jews, we wouldn’t have a Messiah!” In my mind, I thought that he was just being anti-semitic, a familiar trait that we in the MESSianic movement like to project on to our fellow Christian brothers and sisters.
There wasn’t much else said, and eventually my friend went into the other room. I felt that I had offended my brother, so I followed and sheepishly, almost half-heartedly apologized.
What he began to share with me after that blew me away. He told me, “Aaron, I really feel that when you talk about Judaism and all things Jewish, you have a great passion, but that same passion is missing when you talk about Jesus.” (Ya know, I really could quit writing after that quote, because it hit me like a ton of bricks, but there is more to come.)
He continued, “Aaron, I used to think that the Jews were bad people until I met you. I had no desire to do anything related to them, but because of you, I’m excited to wear tzitzit.” (He doesn’t wear them yet, but it will happen when He’s ready, and when it is done from his heart to glorify the Father.) “After my wife and I spent one night of Hanukah at your house, we are talking about celebrating it in the future. We totally enjoyed ourselves.”
I was FLOORED. I have NEVER spent any time talking to this man about Torah or anything like that. We have just spent time building relationship. He is the last person in our church that I would have expected to make the statements that he made concerning tzitzit and Hanukah. However, because he did say those things, he will follow through. He is not a man who takes his words lightly.
As of this writing I just finished listening to Seth Dralle’s sermon entitled “Unity and Ethics.” He made a statement in there that I think is very fitting to this story that I’m sharing. He said that great things could be accomplished if we in the Torah movement would spend more time practicing and studying ethics and promoting unity.
I am so quick to get defensive about all things Jewish or Torah related. I really need to quit worrying about it, and live the way that God has called me to live. The particulars are not as important as how our hearts are changed. Remember, the New Covenant is that the Torah is written on our hearts. If our hearts are not changed, we have to ask the question of whether or not we are a part of the New Covenant.
This last Shabbat, our pastor shared on the topic mentioned above. I have to tell you, I felt like I was in a boxing match throughout the whole of the sermon.
This is a topic that our movement will do well to reflect on at length. I’m not talking about some kind of superficial unity, but one that is forged by going through difficulties together, learning how to love each other.
It hit me that so often, I am very quick to judge my brothers and sisters because they are not where I think I am spiritually. I fail to remember that the same Messiah that died for me, died for them as well, and my sin is just as bad (if not worse than) theirs.
We are often wont to condemn our brothers in the Messiah that are not Torah observant, because they are not obeying the Torah. I think that we have MUCH to learn from those that focus on getting their hearts right before the Father, more than they focus on the externals.
It is time that we begin to earnestly seek the Father to write His Torah on our hearts, so that all that we do reflects Him, and not our attempts to be like Him in our own efforts. I really appreciate what Bill Beyer has to say on this topic.
If our lives do not reflect the Fruit of the Spirit, then our study of Torah will yield only pride. We must truly seek to know the Father and have the Torah written on our hearts if we are ever to be successful in reaching the world with the Gospel of the Kingdom.
