By way of review, one of the members of our community was diagnosed with lymphoma, so anyone who wanted to fasted on behalf of our brother for the month. Our prayer during this time was that God would take any benefit that we might receive as a result of our fast and credit it to our brother’s account.

Three weeks into the fast, our brother’s diagnosis was taken before the tumor board in our area, and the doctor’s were unable to find any traces of cancer! He was given a clean bill of health, and just has to follow up with his regular physician every six months or so to ensure that there is no return of the cancer.

As we wrapped up the fast, there was somewhat of a collective sigh of relief. We were all overjoyed at the fact that God healed our friend and brother. Not only that, we were looking forward to returning to our normal lifestyles of being able to eat what we wanted. God had other plans, but more on that in a moment.

It is amazing that when undertaking something like an extended fast of some kind that God will use that opportunity to bring up the things in one’s life that are not pleasing to Him. For example, within two days of starting the fast, I was very on edge about everything. My kids were annoying me. I was frustrated with my wife. My job was getting on my nerves. As I realized this fact, my natural reaction was to say that I was irritable as a result of not being able to eat what I wanted to.

While that may be the case on one level, there was something else coming out as a result of the whole situation. As I began to reflect on my attitudes, I realized that I wasn’t angry and frustrated merely as a result of the fast, but rather, I was angry and frustrated because that is who I am. When my flesh wasn’t being satisfied with what it wanted, I began to see the results of the sin in my life.

When something like this comes to light, we have a couple of choices: we can either excuse the actions (my frustration due to the lack of food), or we can cry out to God, recognizing that apart from Him, the truth of who we are comes to light. In other words, the fast, although it was done for the sake of another, was also our Father’s way of bringing me to a place of repentance for my own thoughts and attitudes. Not only was God seeking His glory in the healing of the sick in our body, but also He was pointing out my need for Him in this area of my life.

As we wrapped up the fast at the end of January, our pastor made another announcement. At the end of February, our congregation was going to host a pastor from Zambia Messianic Fellowship. Our congregation has been supporting this ministry for a little over a year, but this was the first time that we would actually be able to meet someone from the organization. Since the poverty is so great in Zambia, the challenge was put before us to continue our fast, but this time by fasting from extra spending.

The idea was that any money that we as individuals or families were going to spend on items that were unnecessary would be set aside and given to Pastor Alex Yalenga for the Zambian Ministry. So, movie money, coffee money, unnecessary grocery money etc. was to be set aside for Pastor Alex.

This may not seem all that difficult, but coming right on the heels of a fast in which we couldn’t eat whatever we wanted whenever we wanted it (my wife and I ate only raw food for the first three weeks of January, and only vegan for the remaining week), this challenge was ominous. I was feeling such a sense of entitlement. I was thinking that I’d paid my dues by fasting all of January, and therefore I was REALLY looking forward to splurging during February (can we say BIG JUICY STEAK AND COLD BEER?)

My wife and I really struggled with this particular fast for a couple of reasons, the first of which I mentioned above. Secondly, we live on a pretty tight budget as it is, and as a result, we didn’t know where we could take the money from to be able to give. As the month wore on, it became apparent that God was asking us to give until it hurt, trusting in Him to be the provider. For us, this wasn’t a matter of taking money that would have been spent elsewhere, but rather taking money that had been set aside for something specific already.

Two weeks into the fast, our pastor announced that he felt that God was leading our small congregation (70-80 people, including children) to give Pastor Alex $10,000. It must be understood that within our community we have many people that have been drastically impacted by the wavering economy. We have single parents, some senior citizens who live on fixed incomes, and many newly married couples that are struggling to get on their feet financially. Ten thousand dollars is a lot of money!

To make a long story short, our community really came together on this one. We were able to give Pastor Alex $17,000! God worked a tremendous miracle in our midst. However, I don’t believe that this is the main thing that God was trying to accomplish through the last couple of months. As amazing as it is that we gave so much to a people far more needy than we are, I believe that God was showing us that He indeed is our source, and He will provide in even the most impossible of circumstances. He will glorify Himself in our weaknesses.

As a result of the circumstances of the last couple of months, the relationships in our community have a newfound depth. We have demonstrated to each other that we’re committed to one another. We have persevered through some impossible circumstances and seen the hand of God work mighty things on our behalf. God is faithful. He is unchanging. He has given freely of Himself, and calls us to do the same with each other.

Since we are to be known by our love for one another, let’s begin loving one another. In the words of an old DC Talk song, love is a verb. If we are not visibly loving each other, then we must ask whether or not we’re really a loving people.

It is customary to blame secular science and anti-religious philosophy for the eclipse of religion in modern society. It would be more honest to blame religion of its own defeats. Religion declined not because it was refuted, but because it became irrelevant, dull, oppressive, insipid. When faith is completely replaced by creed, worship by discipline, love by habit; when the crisis of today is ignored because of the splendor of the past; when faith becomes an heirloom rather than a living fountain; when religion speaks only in the name of authority rather than with the voice of compassion—its message becomes meaningless. (Abraham Joshua Heschel, God in Search of Man, p. 1)

As I read these words this morning, I was again reminded of the crisis that we face in the messianic movement. In our desire to recapture the faith of the apostles, we very often replace worship with discipline, and love with habit.

While all of the questions that we wrestle with, questions of identity, questions of halakah, etc., we must not forget to worship, to love, to have compassion. We must not forget to ask the deeper questions, allowing the search light of the Scriptures and the leading of the Holy Spirit to draw us to the Father.

It is far easier to concern ourselves with how to do something right than it is to seek to find the heart of God and encounter Him in what we’re doing. If our families are not seeing the love that God has for us in Yeshua in all that we do, then we’re failing. If our Shabbat tables are simply the repeating of liturgies, and ritual without worship, then our children will grow up despising the God that set us free and gave us the Sabbath. If our prayer times are all about doing things the right way (bind the tefillin like so, wrap the tallit like so, bow now, don’t interrupt, etc.), then we will miss meeting with the Father.

I’m not in any way diminishing the importance of reverence, or speaking against any of the practices that are mentioned above. However, I am stating that we must remember that God set His people free to worship Him. If we ever lose sight of that fact, then our faith will diminish into something that is simply a heritage. In today’s culture, that heritage, it is left at only that, will not continue.

Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2 NASB

Our pastor has been teaching through the book of Philippians for about the last 6 months or so, and it has been one of the most revolutionary series of sermons that I’ve ever listened to. The common theme is abundance in Messiah. In every circumstance, we are to find our source of strength, our joy, and our total identity in the person of Yeshua.

So how does all of that tie in to the verse that I posted above?

In the book of Philippians, it seems that Paul is emphasizing the importance of giving of ourselves to one another, and in so doing, we experience the goodness and abundance of God. Time and again, he relates examples from his own life regarding how he loves the people of Philippi sacrificially. His challenge in the letter is to recognize that only in Messiah can we receive what we need to love each other sacrificially.

Sacrificial love is obvious, it cannot be faked. It is laying down my agenda for your life, because I love you. It is choosing to find God in the midst of unruly children (your own, or someone else’s) and asking that He give you His love for them. It is recognizing that we need others if we are to become remotely successful in our relationship with God. It is acknowledging that we don’t know it all, and that my way is not always the best way. Or it is acknowledging that my way is the best way, but we can do it your way, because that is what you want to do. It sometimes is something as simple as going to work to provide for one’s family. All in all, sacrificial love is the very thing that our Master and Messiah calls us to when He states that we must take our our cross and follow Him. Sacrificial love is simply discipleship.

While we’ve been studying the book of Philippians for months, it has become very real to me personally in the last few weeks. A dear friend of mine, a member of our community/congregation was just diagnosed with low-grade lymphoma. As soon as I found this out, all that God had been impressing on me about sacrificial love came rushing to my mind. I immediately was wondering and praying how can I demonstrate the love of the Messiah to my friend?

I didn’t have to wonder for long. Our pastor announced about 2 weeks ago that as a community of believers, we would be fasting for the month of January for our brother. Last week, the details of the fast were made available. By way of summary, there were some suggestions made concerning the different kinds of fasts (partial, liquid only, plain food, dietary cleanse, etc.). The purpose of the fast is to pray that any health and/or benefit that we may receive from the fast would be credited to our brother’s account, while in turn we are laboring for his healing in prayer.

In undertaking the fast, it has thus far proven to be one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever done. However, I know that the rewards will far outweigh the sacrifices. Hebrews 12 tells us that our Master went through the suffering of the cross for the joy that was set before Him. In the same way, we are trusting that God through the Messiah will give us joy.

I share this with blogger land as a call to sacrificial love. There has been much posted (see here and here for a couple of examples.) regarding a call to repentance and service to one another in the coming decade. It almost goes without saying that unless we as Messianics begin to love each other sacrificially, our movement will quickly become stagnant. Unless we take up the yoke of the Messiah, His light will go dim.

Yeshua said that we will be known as His disciples by our love for one another. Loving one another is giving of ourselves sacrificially. It is His way. John tells us in 1 John 3:16, “We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.”

Objective truth, divorced from experience, is useless.

A few weeks ago, I made the above statement, somewhat off the cuff, yet it has stuck with me. As I have pondered it, I have become increasingly aware of the fact that unless I’m experiencing truth, that truth has no use to me. Let me demonstrate.

I’ve lived my whole live being told that God loves me. He loves me more than I can imagine. In spite of my sin and my ugliness, He still loves me. In fact, He loves me so much that He gave of Himself, sending His son to die in my stead.

All of that is wonderful, and it is absolutely true. In fact, one is hard-pressed to find truer statements. However, these truths (objective truths) are absolutely useless to the one that has not experienced the love of God. They are mere ideas.

Recently, I have found that I know many objective truths that are altogether useless to me. In fact, the above illustration is one from my own life. I long to experience God’s unselfish, undying love for me. I constantly wrestle, because I need to know that God loves me, in spite of me. I need to know that God loves me, even when, no, especially when I am disobedient.

At this point in my life, experience is HUGE. I know a lot. I am a student. I love to study. I relish digging for answers. I enjoy finding solutions to questions that haunt me, and puzzle others. However, much of that is on hold. I want to know the Father’s love.

This quote for A.J. Heschel is appropriate:

The Bible has several words for  the act of seeking God (darash, bakkesh, shahar). In some passages these words are used in the sense of inquiring after His will and precepts (Psalms 119:45, 94, 155). Yet, in other passages these words mean more than the act of asking a question, the aim of which is to elicit  information. It means addressing oneself directly to God with the aim of getting close to Him; it involves a desire for experience rather than a search for information. Seeking Him includes the fact of keeping His commandments, but it goes beyond it. “Seek ye the Lord and His strength, seek His face continually” (Psalms 105:4). Indeed, to pray does not only mean to seek help; it also means to seek Him. (God in Search of Man, p. 28)

God is calling. He says very clearly that those who seek Him will find Him when they seek Him with all their hearts. He has provided the way for us to come close to Him in the person of His Son, Yeshua. By His mercy, and with His help, I will draw near.

Traditionally, the Jew is taught to feel delight in being able to fulfill the law, albeit imperfectly, rather than to feel anxiety because of his being unable to fulfill it perfectly. “Serve Him with joy; come before His presences with singing” (Psalms 100:2")

Israel feels a certain ease and delight in the fulfillment of the law which to a hired servant is burdensome and perplexing. For “the son who serves his father serves him with joy, saying, Even if I do not entirely succeed [in carrying out His commandments], yet, as a loving father, He will not be angry with me. In contrast, a hired servant is always afraid lest he may commit some fault, and therefore serves God in a condition of anxiety and confusion.” Indeed, when Israel feels uneasy because of their having to stand in judgment before God, the angels say unto them, “Fear ye not the judgment…Know ye not Him? He is your next of kin, He is your brother, and what is more, He is your father.”  (God in Search of Man:  A Philosophy of Judaism.  P. 406 A. J. Heschel)

As I read this quote yesterday, I was struck by the fact that I approach God in the way of a slave. I have yet to realize the depth and breadth of His love for me. So great is that love that He adopted me as His son. He is longing for me more than I can ever long for Him.

Yeshua said much the same thing:

This is My commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. You are My friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing: but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you.  (John 15:12-15)

In Yeshua, I am no longer counted as a servant. I am a son of the Most High.

As such, God’s love for me supersedes my shortcomings. Where I fall short, His love fills the gap. Thank God for the wonderful gift of His Son, our Messiah! He is the ultimate expression of God’s love . In living a sinless life, He made up for everywhere that we fall short.

God is more concerned that I love Him and try to obey Him than He is with whether or not I obey Him “correctly.” He wants my heart. He knows that as a man, I am totally incapable of doing things completely right, and because of that, He gave of Himself to compensate for where I fall short. He truly is a loving Father.

I’ve almost certainly over-simplified this idea for the sake of brevity, but you get my point. That being said, I would like to share a new perspective on this that has really helped me in the last couple of days.

I have been praying for some time that G-d open my eyes to see Him. I want to see His truth for what it is. I want to encounter Him in a way that will forever change me. One prayer from the siddur that I have prayed continually is the third paragraph of the Yedid Nefesh:

All-worthy one–may Your mercy be aroused and please take pity on your beloved son, because it is so very long that I have yearned intensely to see the splendor of your strength. Only these has my heart desired, so please take pity and do not conceal Yourself.

I have felt ripped off and cheated, because, up until a couple of days ago, this prayer seemed to go unanswered. I have been angered by the fact that I’ve been asking Avinu to change my mind (Eph. 4:17-19). I have realized that many of my thoughts about Hashem are incorrect, and so I’ve asked that He change them.

Because my prayers weren’t being answered in the way that I thought they should be, I have been terribly angry and resentful. I wasn’t getting what I wanted, and so I’ve been throwing a tantrum!

All of this began to change two days ago. I had a conversation with a close friend, and he pointed out the fact that all the while I’ve been asking that my mind be changed, and that my heart be transformed, this is exactly what G-d is doing!

My anger, frustration, confusion, etc. have to be realized before they can be changed. I’ve never considered the fact that my exhibition of these emotions is the hand of G-d in my life. He is answering my prayer by revealing my sin. It is these very things that are standing in the way of encountering Him. He must be allowed to remove these things, replacing them with His love and mercy. 

He really does answer prayer, but most certainly not in the way that we think it should happen.

Superficiality is the curse of our age. The doctrine of instant gratification is a primary spiritual problem. The desperate need today is not for a greater number of intelligent people, or gifted people, but for deep people. (Celebration of Discipline, p. 1, by Richard Foster)

I have been told by a close friend and spiritual mentor repeatedly over the last couple of years that I am overly concerned with being right. I think that I’m beginning to understand what he means. I’ll see if I can “flesh it out” so to speak.

I have allowed my zeal for the Torah and related things (traditions found within Judaism) to dictate everything about me. In doing so, I have put lenses on that allow me to see everyone compared to my standard of righteousness, thereby allowing me to judge (and condemn) anyone who doesn’t measure up. I have allowed myself to become an idol, and everyone that doesn’t worship me, or bow to my standards receives my judgement.

What drives this behavior? On the one hand, I think that it is the zeal to follow the ways of G-d, but that only makes up (for me) about 2% of this. On the other hand (the other 98%) it is a way for me to justify my own sin. I know that I’m not measuring up to G-d’s righteous standard, nor am I following the Master, yet by continuing in this paradigm, I allow myself to stay the same, and expect everyone else to change.

This however is not the call of the Master. His call is to “Repent, for the Kindom is at hand.” Repentance is taking His yoke, not forcing others to take mine. His call is to follow Him and be His disciple, not to force others to follow me and become my disciple.

So often, following the Torah and taking up the traditions of our Jewish brothers can become a measuring stick whereby we judge others’ righteousness. It seems to me that simply wearing tzitzit, donning tefillin, and covering one’s head can be the “instant satisfaction” alluded to in the quote above. Certainly these things are not wrong in and of themselves. Two of my examples are commanded by the Torah! Yeshua taught though that “unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Scribes and the Pharisees, you will in no way enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.”

Our Master calls us to go deeper, to allow Him to change our hearts. This most assuredly does not abolish the Torah, but indeed fulfills it. He calls us to examine our hearts, and to allow Him to do the same. It is only when we turn to Him and acknowledge how far short we really fall that we begin to experience fellowship with the Father through our Messiah.

During this season of new beginnings, let us “celebrate the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth.” (1COR 5:8 NASB). Let us see that He is our Passover. He is the One whereby we cross from death to life. Let us know that He is right, and strive to walk with Him.

We don’t need more people trying to appear deep and spiritually mature simply because they wear the correct articles of worship. This world needs those who are willing to clothe themselves with humility and take up the radical call of discipleship to the Master.

This will likely be expressed in many ways, and I’m sure that most of them won’t be to my approval. That’s the point. This isnt’ about me. It’s about serving the One who gave His all so that I can fellowship with Him. He humbled Himself to be come like me. Now I must humble myself to become like Him.

Chag Sameach!

I believe that G-d calls us to a life of radical balance. I thought that term meant something utterly and completely different than what I’ve come to discover. You see, I thought that radical balance meant, for instance, that I work, work, work to maintain my relationship with G-d, and that He is somehow detached from all of it, just waiting for me to reach a certain level in my spirituality. Once that level was reached, I believed, He would reveal Himself to me, because I had proven myself worthy.

How has this played out in my life? The most noticeable way has been in the way that I live and conduct myself. I have felt rather strongly that G-d has been leading me toward a life of Torah observance much akin to the orthodox lifestyle. (I still believe that to some degree, but that’s not the point of this post.) Due to this fact, I have used my convictions and understandings as a way to judge others. I have pushed many people away, and I’m sure missed out on some really good friendships, all in the name of righteousness.

While living this way, I’ve known all along that there must be more to a relationship with G-d. I’ve searched and searched. I’ve read Jewish sources, Messianic Jewish sources, traditional Christian sources, the Bible, and more. I’ve been praying and seeking for the heart of the Father concerning me, and it seems, on the one hand to have gotten me nowhere fast, but on the other hand to have brought me to a place that I’m ready to listen.

G-d has been calling out to me, relentlessly pursuing after me, and I have been running from Him, all the while deceived into thinking that I’m running to Him. My running has looked very good on the outside. I wear tzitzit  and a kippah, and often pray from a siddur. I say Yeshua and Hashem and use Hebrew terminology when speaking about the things of our Father, believing that I’m drawing close.

What is the sudden change? I’m not entirely sure, except I’ve come to realize how much I have pushed our beloved Messiah to the side while trying to get things right in my life. I have buried myself in studies just so that I can understand context of Scripture. (Please don’t get me wrong, all of these things are VITALLY important, but apart from a dynamic relationship with the One who gave His all for us, they merely puff us up, and can push us away from the Father.)

I began to really reach out to the person of Yeshua, longing to experience His presence in my life. This has been ongoing now for months, and I’m starting to feel like a breakthrough is in sight.

As I reached for Yeshua, I really began to see how much He’s been reaching out to me all along. Where i have tried to earn my way in to the presence of the Almighty, He waited for me to see that He’s already provided that way. While I was wrestling, He was beckoning me with open arms of love and acceptance. I realized that the lenses through which I’ve been viewing life are very foggy indeed.

In Judaism, there seems to be very little time to stop and really deal with one’s sin. The approach to life is one that states, “If I sin, I will just try harder next time. I will do another mitzvah to cancel out the sin.” While on the one hand this is good in that it doesn’t allow for unhealthy guilt, on the other hand it is terribly dangerous. It puts the power of personal transformation in the hands of a mere human.

I cannot do this! No longer can I rely on myself to save myself. I am quickly coming to the place where I am ready to be undone at the feet of my Master. He is the Savior. He is the Deliverer. There is nothing in and of myself that is good, and therefore, I must accept His grace.

This doesn’t mean that I am going to be lazy. To the contrary, to accept grace requires that I pursue the Father all the more.

“The grace of God is unearned and unearnable, but if we ever expect to grow in grace, we must pay the price of a consciously chosen course of action which involves both individual and group life.” (Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster)

During this season of Passover, my slavery to sin is becoming ever more evident.

And there is no slavery that can compare to the slavery of ingrained habits of sin. (ibid.)

Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Yeshua Messiah our Lord! (Romans 7:24-25a NASB)

G-d in His grace has provided the way into His presence. It is only through Yeshua. I am determined to know Him, and Him alone. I am determined to face myself, and see who I am apart from Him, and who I am in Him. He is changing me, and will change me. It is only through encountering the Person of our Messiah that transformation of the heart can take place.

Does this mean that obeying the sacred words of the Torah falls to the side? G-d forbid! On the contrary, as I choose to humble myself at the feet of the Master, then His Torah will be written in my heart. His ways will truly become my ways. No longer will doing the mitzvot be a chore, but instead they will truly be a delight.

He has called me to worship in Spirit and in Truth, and I am answering His call!